No one ever said creativity grows on trees. At least no one’s ever told me that. I’m pretty sure I’d remember due to that being the type of saying that could lead to someone getting punched in the throat. Having established the non-existence of a creativity tree, one is left wondering where do these creative juices actually come from and can I buy them in bulk from Costco? My stash went dry, and it feels like Omar Little went all stick-up kid on my re-up. It truly is as depressing as it sounds…

I think it’s best that we move on immediately. I’d also like to suggest completely forgetting anything I’ve ever written. Don’t give me that look, this hurts me more than it hurts you. Okay, maybe completely ignore was a bit strong. I’ll also accept mostly, pretty much, or kinda. Right about now you may be thinking something along the lines of, “But, Mike, how are we supposed to forget the gift of words you’ve so graciously bestowed upon us?” The task may seem ludicrous and daunting and intimidating and a bit impossible, but all of that is just a mirage. Don’t believe me, do you? It’s alright. I get it.

Of course, I am the guy who just re-read 10,000+ words of fiction that represented the groundwork for a novel that would have probably sold at least 100 copies to people I may or may not know. I’m the one who was so disgusted by what I read that 3,000 words in I became convinced that some sort of cosmic joke was to blame for the driveling nonsense splashed across my computer screen. At the 7,000 word mark I realized that if I survived the tortuous affair I would have no trouble making it through any future waterboarding sessions. I guess I should be happy that I no longer have to be afraid of Guantanamo Bay…At approximately the 10,348th word I ran out of reasons to continue the intellectual raping of my id and ego, so I did the most logical thing I could think of: permanently deleted that bitch from existence.

It’s like it never happened, and the world may be a better place because of that. What? No, I’m not crying. No I’m not…Seriously, I just got something in my eye. Shouldn’t you be doing some forgetting of your own? Don’t worry about me, I don’t wear shoes with laces in them so there’s nothing to worry about. I’m pretty sure I won’t hate myself much more tomorrow morning than I did this morning…

Hey, how ’bout we pep this bitch the fuck up? Get our cheer on as the cool kids say. I can’t think of anything less depressing or suicide inducing than taking a look back at the year that somehow led me to where I am now. Can you? I didn’t think so. The following are just some of the things I liked, loved, or loathed about 2011. (Side-note: There is no order to what you will read below, especially one of the chronological sort. In fact, I can’t (won’t) even commit to 2011 being the sole year represented in this end-of-year list. Let’s just assume that everything below is probably likelier to have come from the past than the future, and that the present is almost certainly in no way responsible.)

1Q84 by Haruki Murakami is one of the greatest books ever written. The translation from Japanese to English is absolutely flawless according to an unnamed (and imaginary) Japanese source. I’d like to tell you that I hate to call it the perfect novel, but I don’t. It is the perfect novel for crushing the dreams and aspirations of an unpublished author with an unreasonable amount of self-confidence. Thank you Aomame, Tengo, and Fuka-Eri. You can find me in the town of cats.

Odd Future is good. Tyler Comma (aka Tyler, the Creator) is pretty good. But Earl Sweatshirt will be great. The kid’s an absolute fucking monster, and I can only hope that he returns from Samoa with a hunger to demolish all the Drakes and Dom Kennedys of the world. Hip-hop needs you Earl, therefore I need you.

Sandman Slim is my fucking hero! Richard Kadrey is a fucking legend! (Side-note: Skip to the 3:32 mark of that video to hear Kadrey answer my question. MY QUESTION!!)

Lebron James will never be as great as MJ, and that’s more disappointing than anything.

Recently I’ve been accused of being biased against female rappers and white rappers. There’s an underlying truth in there somewhere. However, Azealia Banks is fucking fire. How could I not love filthy verses delivered by a 20-year-old betty from Harlem over British house music?

How is it that Bravo consistently has the worst thing on TV at any given time? If I were in charge of things they would be brought up on charges of treason for trying to kill America through television-terrorism. Seriously, kill yourself Bravo! (Side-note: It’s on right now and the old British lady who belongs to Jiggy just said “cock sock”.)

Kanye West is the most creative person to make music during my lifetime. It was through him that I realized music truly is an art form.

Obama should have saved Bin Laden for like October 2012. Double-tapping him three weeks before the election would have guaranteed a win. You already lived next door to him for months (re: at least a year), what’s another year and a half or so?

Being a Notre Dame fan is as miserable as it sounds. I’m literally convinced they are trying to break my heart. The only upside is that Michael Floyd will be a mid-first round draft pick, and the Falcons could have a chance at him.

Unemployment is a bitch. There is no sugarcoating it. I wish Grantland would hire me, it’s by far the best new website of the year.

You know the mysterious “bandwidth” that is 4G, 3G, Wi-Fi, and phone calls? Where exactly is all this data at? Are we completely engulfed in invisible data at all times? I think we are, and I’m pretty sure in 50 years we’ll realize that there were some unforeseen side-effects.

That’s all for now. Expect more of the same tomorrow. Or it could be completely different. Either way, come back and expect to have your mind blown. You should also be prepared for your expectations to not be met and to once again leave feeling disappointed and a little bit dead inside. Enjoy, and stay thirsty my friends.

That’s right ladies and gents; it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for! So, step right up and prepare to have your mind blown as Geeky Popular unleashes the only Kindle 2 review that matters!!

Ever since Amazon released the original Kindle in 2007, the e-reader has been near the very top of my list of things I couldn’t live without. However, it was never something I ever really considered buying because at that time is was something like $400 and that was way too steep for my tastes. Then, in February 2009, Amazon announced the Kindle 2. Again the gadget leapt to the top of my desired toys list, and again it was never seriously considered due to a price tag of $359. The ridiculous price tags made me lament the fact that I could at times act completely reasonable and was denying myself something I felt I needed to have. As though Amazon could read my thoughts, they dropped the price to $299 and then again to $259 in October of 2009; right before Christmas. It’s not an exaggeration to say that I made it a personal mission to get myself one, and I invested way too much time ensuring that my day would come. Now that my two and a half year wait is over, was it worth it? Is the Kindle everything I’d hope it would be or has it left me wanting more? Follow me behind the jump to find out. (Kindle Goodness This Way!!)

We got a nice surprise from Comcast today in the form of an asston more HD channels. Of course, about half of them aren’t showing up, but that’s Comcast for you, they can never get everything just right. Unfortunately, one of the new channels is Bravo which is something that TheMrs. frequently tunes in to. I’m not even sure you can call the crap they put on the air entertainment, unless you consider TV that makes you want to gouge your eyes out entertaining. The worst show of all has to be this total crapfest called “Millionaire Matchmaker”. If you’ve been lucky enough to have not suffered through an hour of this shit yet, let me sum it up for you. Basically, there’s this super-annoying and ugly lady, who is possibly the most horrible woman on TV, that runs a club that pairs younger women that are attractive in that “I’m pretty sure you have a disease and will probably look like Kirstie Alley in the morning” way with ultra douchey millionaires in L.A. Okay, I’m no Rico Suave or anything, but if you’re a millionaire and aren’t morbidly obese or a ginger, there’s no reason you can’t pull betties on your own. Yet, these suckers have decided to allow the monster named Patty tell them what they need to do to get one of the bimbos she’s setting them up with to fall for them. The incredible thing is, she acts like it’s some super difficult thing. I KNOW!! It’s not rocket science, just don’t be a douche and spend money on the gold digger. (Side-note: The worst part is, she acts like the women and men in her “club” are actually there for love. No. They’re not. If a single tramp in L.A. joins a club that sets her up with millionaires, she’s a gold-digging heffer. Yup, I just went there.) If I could, I’d join the Make-A-Wish Foundation and then wish that I could go to L.A. and then punch this lady in her ugly face. I’m kinda starting to hate myself for talking about this trash for so long and the remote is too far away right now, so let’s move on…

So, my little sister has an unhealthy obsession with zombies and may even believe the zombie apocalypse is an inevitability. She’s wrong. It’s robots we have to worry about. (Side-note: Seriously, the other day I was watching this show on History that was all about factories and robots are scary yo! The new Kia plant that was built in Nowhere, Georgia is basically completely run by robots. People are no longer responsible for building cars and its only a matter of time before robots take over everything else. An interesting thought is to wonder if Toyota plants are run the same way, and if so did the robots mess all the gas and brake pedals up on purpose? Yeah, think about that all you Camry drivers. Just sayin’…) Anyway, for Christmas we got her Pride and Prejudice and Zombies which is supposedly pretty awesome. At least awesome enough for her to already have a copy of; thank God for gift receipts. Anyway, the author of the smash hit, Seth Grahame-Smith, is back in the mashup game; only this time he’s going historic. Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter is his latest novel, and I can attest to the fact that it’s totally BA. Told as a sort of Faux-Biography, the story sheds an all new light on Honest Abe. The fact that Grahame-Smith used the rise of vampires as a segue into dealing with the issue of slavery is absolutely genius. It’s been a minute since I’ve been blown away by a book, and I’m thankful to Smith and his tale of Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter for restoring a bit of faith in the written word. As you can tell, the author is not afraid to deviate from the norm, and he definitely strayed the path by producing a trailer for his book. Yes, there is a trailer for a novel. And it rocks! If you’ve ever wondered what it’d be like to see Abe Lincoln killing vampires, and who hasn’t, then check the video below. Enjoy, and stay thirsty my friends.