I wish I was rich enough that I could say, “You know what? I think I’m gonna commission a space ship and then I’m going to charge people an ass-ton of money to take commercial flights into outer space.” Can you imagine how effing BA that would make me? Let’s not even get into the fact that if you had enough money to build a freaking space ship that I would have enough to do pretty much everything I ever dreamed of. Once I got my own Millennium Falcon, I’d hire some mad scientists to make me some sort of laser-ray gun that would fire ginger instead of bullets. I’m not talking ginger as in Ale, I’m talking ginger as in Ron Weasley. Yeah, my ginger-gun would instantly turn its unsuspecting victims into gingers. I’m pretty sure if I had space ship money I could make that happen. Oh, I’d also fill a massive room with gold coins and then go swimming in it Scrooge McDuck style yo!!

The sad truth is, I don’t have that kind of money. Unless some miracle happens and GeekyPopular actually lives up to its promise, I’ll probably never be stupid rich like that. (Side-note: For anyone who didn’t catch that, I was basically saying you all need to keep reading and to tell everyone you know to read TheGP. Seriously, I need Google and Apple to start fighting over me, and I need this to happen fast!) Fortunately, Sir Richard Branson does have that kind of money. I’m not even gonna lie, he’s kind of my hero. His episode of MTV Cribs was by far the greatest ever; dude lives on his own island and just kicks it non-stop. Branson is basically what Bill Gates would be if Bill Gates was super-effing-cool. Let me get off his skittles though…When he said that through Virgin Airlines he wanted to launch Virgin Galactic and eventually offer commercial space flights people, he was basically saying that the dream that every male has had since he was like 7 was within reach. Homey’s gonna let you become an astronaut without all the NASA and Asteroids and junk. The big news is that the Virgin Galactic Enterprise took its first ever test flight yesterday and it was freaking awesome!! If you want to get your Boba Fett on all you need is a bit more patience and $200,000. As for me, I’ll just watch the videos that come from the epicness and cry myself to sleep. A good place to start is probably the video of the test flight, which I’m posting below. Enjoy, and stay thirsty my friends.

I am man enough to sit here and tell you that I really liked the movie Armageddon. It’s one of those cheesy ass action movies that I watch pretty much anytime it’s on TV. It’s just so damned good, and at the end when Harry tells A.J. to take care of Rose, don’t be surprised if I have something in my eye that’s creating excess moisture. I’m just sayin’, shit’s sad seeing Affleck crying for Harry when he decides he’s the one to stay on the rock and nuke it so everyone on Earth doesn’t die. I may just have a soft spot for Affleck though. Dude was the bomb in Phantoms yo!! (Side-note: IMDB has JJ Abrams listed as one of the writers of Armageddon. He’s such a beast!! It’s insane the amount of quality homey is responsible for. Especially when you consider the fact that his first hit was Felicity. Don’t sleep, the show was good and all until Ben had to start acting like a bitch all the time…)

As it turns out, Harry and A.J.’s mission to nuke an asteroid and split it in half so that the two pieces would drift far enough apart that they would pass the Earth by mere miles on each pole would probably not work. (Side-note: That’s a crazy-schemey type of plan anyway. Kinda like the one the FBI and other people have come up with to explain how D.B. Cooper must be dead. I mean one of the ideas is that he landed in a river, was then caught by a passing boats propeller and dragged upstream before dying and then his lifeless body floated back downstream only to be dumped into the Ocean where it now rests at the bottom. Isn’t it easier to just assume that he survived and is some old dude just laughing it up right now at all the crazy theories? Check the link if you have no idea what I’m on about.) Back to my original point though, according to an article on NewScientist, that I actually found on Gizmodo, within a couple of hours the asteroid could go all T-1000 on our asses and pull itself back together in time to fulfill its destiny as Earth demolisher. There is hope though, studies show that if we use a 900-kiloton bomb it could be completely destroyed. I’m no rocket scientist or anything, but I’m pretty sure that’s a damned big bomb. Also, you gotta love these tests they use to figure this junk out. I mean, I’m sure they’re all fairly accurate, but I like to imagine it’s a couple Trekkies in a room with a bunch of cherry bombs and some rocks they found in their parents driveways.

Since I don’t exactly have a video of asteroid-destroying nuclear bombs, I’ll give you the trailer for Ironman 2 which comes out May 7. I’m a major fan of the first Ironman and think it pretty much raped The Dark Knight, even though I’m pretty sure that me and The Mrs. are the only ones who think this, but I’m a bit iffy about the sequel. Mainly because for some reason they cast Scarlett Johansson in it. She’s such a crap actress and I may hate her almost as much as I do Jennifer Aniston and Gwyneth Paltrow. Anyway, the “briefcase suit” at the end is ridiculously BA, so there’s something cool at least. Enjoy, and stay thirsty my friends.